Time

There is never quite enough of it.

Rush.....rush....rush.

The moment you think you have it all together; the last toy put away, the last dish washed, the lash piece of clothing folded.....it starts all over again the next day.

I try to stop and take a breath, without that breath being short and fast and just on the surface. I can't though. I just can't. Something needs to be done.

The holidays are here. Makes me tense. Yet I continue to pile more and more and more on my plate. Until it is overflowing, and spilling over.  Making another mess. Another mess to clean up. Another thing to make me tense. It is a vicious cycle that is neverending. Because at some point, it is just something else.

This month, it is the Holidays. Next month the excuse will be "I'm getting back into the swing of it BECAUSE of the Holidays".

February will be the "Getting prepared for spring."

And it will be depressing. January and February always are for me. It's the weather and the cold and the bitterness of the solid-ness of the months.

My saving grace? The stillness of the night. The quietness of a cold and dark night.

I used to hate night time. It was lonely and scary. Now, it is the silence after an always busy day I long for. It is also the time I feel the guilt over a stressful day where I possibly got a little too hard on the kids or the husband, or didn't get enough done in the waking hours of the day, and am now forced to give up sleep to keep everything in check so when I wake up tomorrow, I don't instantly feel the tension of more and more to do.

But it doesn't make a difference. I am always tense and stressed and wishing for a few more hours every single day.

I'm not a neat freak. I may possibly be a bit OCD, but I think it keeps me from being lazy. Which I am at times anyways.

There just doesn't seem to be an end to it all. Like will the kids EVER sleep through the night? Or will there ever be a moment with no housework to do? Will I EVER get to read a grown-up book ever again? If we just got a King size bed, we could all sleep in it and maybe THAT would solve our problems?

There will be a new issue tomorrow. There always is. And there will never be any more hours in the day. And I won't be getting adequate sleep for a long long long time. These are all things I need to accept. And move on from.

In time....