1,000 miles away

photo : Nicholas Kennedy Sitton via Flickr

I lie in the bathtub. The water was so hot my skin had slight pink tinge to it. I submerge myself completely until the only part above water is my face, from just above my eyebrows, to just under my chin. I stare up at the chandelier that my husband picked out for me just a few years back when our house was built. I love that chandelier.

If we move, I am taking that damn chandelier with me.

If we move, I'm taking a lot more than that. I just might pack up my mom and my mother-in-law right in the boxes, along with my socks and yoga pants. No one would know right? I mean no one would care right? I'll even make sure we have a nice basement where they can sleep.

But no, really. This is a big deal. One that has flipped my stomach inside out and made my brain feel very full and heavy.

Todd interviewed for a job in Denver last week, and it sounds as though we will find out tomorrow what our fate is. And I am torn to pieces about it.

Denver is like, over 1,000 miles away.

On one hand, this could be our chance. Our chance to make more money and catch up and get to a place financially where we would be okay again. And this is a big deal. We've be behind for a while now. And may husband has worked so hard to do anything and everything to provide for our family, but the economy has really screwed us over, as it has many, many other American's. So we have to do what we have to do for us, and what is right for the 4 of us. And as much as we would miss our families, this just might be the best thing to ever happen to us.

Todd tells me to stop thinking about it. That he's not going to get it. That the guy tomorrow is going to tell him he didn't get the job.

On one hand, I would be heartbroken, because we need to do something. But on the other hand, I would breath a sigh of relief, and say "Thank you God for not taking me away from my mother." Yes, at 31 years old, I still need my Mom.

So, I try to sleep again tonight, and I will probably NOT take another bath because I can't take the torture of lying there and thinking too much. I will probably fold clothes and watch DVR'd House and How I Met Your Mother.

And I will probably find myself thinking anyways......