Tuesday, April 6, 2010

My Arms Forever.

My iphone slipped out of my hand an on to the floor. For a second I was mad, because seriously, what was I going to do now without my phone to keep me busy while I put the baby to sleep?

Then I recognized that me dropping my phone like that was more of a blessing than anything. Because at that moment, instead of focusing all of my attention on my phone and my emails and my tweeting, I was able to focus all of my attention on her. This little angel that I get to hold and cuddle and snuggle with, but seem to take for granted.

In those moments, her eyes began to slowly close, and her sucking on the bottle began to slow down. I leaned down and smelled the mixture of clean, freshly bathed baby, yet slightly sweaty from the warm air blowing from her window. It is a distinct, sweet smell, all her own. I decided to unplug the nightlight because the light seeping in from the cracked, screened window was just enough to cast a slight glow across her forehead and her eyelashes.

Oh, her eyelashes. She gets those from me. Long and beautiful, she will love those gorgeous lashes someday (but I will always love them MORE).

I concentrated on her breathing, ever so slowly in and out and in and out.....

Then, in a flash, she spits the bottle out of her mouth, and quickly flips herself over, so her cheek rests directly on my chest. She sighs deeply, as if she at last has found that exact, precious moment of contentment she was looking for. That contentment she only finds while resting in MY arms, and MY arms alone.

We have a thing going here. This mother-daughter thing that is sacred and precious and safe. It is a connection that she and I will never, ever find in any other relationship in our lives. That is the greatness of having only 2 children, and one of each sex, and it worked out perfectly for us and our family. I never have to compare them to anything or anyONE else. They are each so perfectly unique, some reasons in regards to personalties, some reasons in regards to gender, some reasons....just because.

I always wanted a daughter. Then I found out I WAS having a daughter. Then I was petrified, because I was certain she was going to hate me for some unknown reason. It's quite the contrary, because MY arms is the place she is happiest, and MY arms is where forever, she will stay.

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