fight

We are at a place in our family life that involves tears, frustration, and exhaustion. Just when we got Lily sleeping all night, our already horrible sleeper of a son has hit the bottom, and it doesn't look like he plans on picking himself back up again any time soon.

I'm not sure what is going on in his head or what I can do to make it all better, but it is a daily struggle with him, and we are burning out....fast.

I fight him to change his diaper, I fight him to change his clothes, I fight him to eat a meal, I fight him to not take things away from his sister, I fight him to stop whining, I fight him to use his words and not grunts/moans/whine's. I fight him to take a nap. I fight to to go to sleep. I fight him to STAY asleep. I fight him to not throw things. I fight him to play quietly while his sister is sleeping.

With every 1 step forward, it looks like we take 10 steps back.

And I am exhausted, with every breath I take, every load of laundry I wash, and every dish I put in the sink.

I try to not fight him. Really, truly, I do. I try to keep him in line, with naughty corners, sending him to his room, taking things away. But it gets tiring, and it's just easier to give him what he wants. And even then, it most likely results in a scream fest from him. Then he cries, then Lily cries. And it is then in surround sound.

I admit, some days I can't WAIT to go to work, but when I get there, I miss them terribly. But I too, am thankful for the break. I feel guilty for whoever is watching the kids, knowing he might show his true colors to them too.

I'm so tired. Not just right now. And not just tonight.

But daily, hourly, by the minute. He exhausts me.

It can only get better from here.