Sunday, January 17, 2010

Maybe She Does...

I;ve thought about it for a few months now. It's kind of a big deal. And if something doesn't change soon, I am certain my husband and I may never survive this.

Our kids don't sleep. At least not well that is. I blame it on us. We were never quite good at letting them cry. And no matter what, we never wanted them to feel abandoned. Or like they couldn't trust us. Or that we weren't there for them.

But, I am desperate. Desperate to sleep in the same bed as my husband. Desperate to have some seriously needed alone time; with him and with myself. Desperate to get some sleep that would make me feel energized and capable of handling another day as the mother of two small children. Desperate to make a change that may very well fix so many things that are going wrong in this house of ours....or atleast set us on that path.

Tonight is night #2. I officially decided I needed to attempt the CIO method with Lily. Her sleeps patterns were exhausting and I knew if I were going to train her to sleep better, that sooner rather than later was the key. So last night, that was that.

She did fairly well. I put her down drowsy but not asleep. The moment her little head hit the mattress, her head popped up and saw me walk out te door. She cried. I waited the allotted 5 minutes. I then re-entered her room. Laid her back down. Told her how much I loved her and how I know it was a really hard thing to do, bu that in the end all would be good and worth it. She looked at me with a "You must be crazy lady!" look, and I then left. I planned to wait 10 minutes before re-entering for the second time. But at about 4 minutes I decided that 10 minutes was FAR too long and I would re-enter at 7, maybe even 8 minutes. Yet something miraculous happened. She began to calm down. Her cries were slowing downing and getting quieter. She was falling asleep, I just knew it! And by 8 minutes, she was asleep. I decided that 10 minutes of absolute silence, I snuck back in. And there she was, sleeping, with bunny and blanket in her arms. Sucess! I couldn't believe that in less than 15 minutes, she was asleep. It was amazing.

She did wake up a few other times, but once she started crying, I started counting. And before 5 minutes was over. Once she had been silent for 10 minutes, I went back in to peak on her. And each time, she was back asleep.

In the midst of her crying to sleep for the first time, my hubby (who is so NOT on board with CIO) told me "She's going to hate you". I didn't believe him. Because I knew what I was doing was for real and for the best. Not matter how wretched it feels now.

Tonight is night #2.

She went to bed fine. But now...she has cried 10 times more last night. Short spurts, but over and over and over. I feel horrible. I hate this.

Maybe she does hate me.


Brew City Tails said...

She doesn't hate you, but she relies on you to comfort her. She's never had a chance to learn to comfort herself & that's a gift we give our children - the opportunity to be independent. In the end she'll love you for it.

Stitchblade said...

She does not and will not hate you! Crying it can have good nights and then bad nights..but you can not give in! You must continue on! Trust me...there will be no hate! Mama needs her sleep too, you will survive this!

Brandy from Not So Average Mama

Michelle said...

I echo the first two comments-- it's tough, but necessary. We are only on successful night two, but it's heaven on earth. When the Feb 2010 issues of Parents came, I read the article on sleep, handed it to hubby and sd,"pick one. Whichever one you can be on board with, and we are starting tonight." I think having the article reinforce what I've been saying & what our doc was saying helped relieve his guilt about CIO. Try it for one week. If it doesn't work, try another way. The article outlines four approaches. Hang in there!

Carrie said...

I was in your situation about 8mo ago. My youngest had been sleeping with me for about 6mo and I was ready to take back my evenings.

It took some time but she eventually realized that bedtime was okay and that she had to go to sleep on her own.

We still have the occasional night time issue but overall she's pretty good (she's 18mo now). It will get better. As someone else commented, eventually she will love you for it because she will be getting the sleep she needs

Elise said...

As mom that lived through will survive! She doesn't hate you and her safety relies on your sanity!!

Try earplugs. I know you will all think I am horrible, but if you are at the point the desperation...they are worth it! It takes the edge off & you can still hear well enough if there is an emergency.

Another thought, if you keep giving in, then just give up and try again in a month.

Table4Five said...

I promise she doesn't hate you! Does she have music playing in her room? Some kind of white noise might help, like a fan running on low, or the radio turned to the classical station. It might just be too quiet for her. Hang in there, Mama!

järnebrand said...

I just have to comment this, even though I know I'll become an echo... :)She doesn't hate you. She won't either. Stay strong. Hang in there! :)
From a mother of two in Sweden who's been through the same thing.