Tuesday, July 28, 2009

When a Few Words Make All the Difference

As said in my previous post which I am sure I will be linking back to often) BlogHer '09 wasn't about the material things. Not about the swag or even the amazing hotel (Which it really, really, really was....), but it was about the people.

I had a select few that I HAD to meet. Some I found and some I didn't. Some on that list were celebrities like Tim Gunn and Carson Kressley. Other's were fellow bloggers, who like me, had a story to share and were there for me during some really hard times, but also there for silly times, too.

I'm not going to name everyone I wanted to meet, because everyone I met, whether on my list or not, was absolutely amazing. But there was someone I HAD TO MEET and had a hard time bringing myself to talk to her. I saw her a number of times throughout the event, but kept saying to myself that it just wasn't the right time to introduce myself, maybe later, I'm sure I'll see her again. I was urged by many of my friends there, to "go say hi" or "she'll love to hear how much her story meant to you" and so on. But I couldn't do it. It was such a sensitive subject, not to mention every time I brought it up to someone else as to WHY I wanted to meet her in person, I began crying myself. I was certain she'd think I was a nutcase.

I was embarrassed, thinking she would think I was some sort of stalker crazy girl who was obsessed with her. Or that she would think my story wasn't all that bad. I knew she was a nice person, or at least portrayed it on her blog. But I never expected her to react the way she did.

Casey @ Moosh in Indy was that someone.

I said in my last post that I went through a really hard time being pregnant with both of my children, but particularly Lily. The struggle didn't end once she was born either, and this was something totally new. With Jonah, it was a much easier transition to becoming Mom. With Lily, it was extremely difficult to go from Mommy to one, to Mommy to two.

She had been there. She had a really difficult pregnancy (even though this particular story involved her pregnancy with her first child). I felt understood. With company. This specific post was my crutch. It held me up on my own two feet, as wobbly and unsteady as they were. It didn't let me fall. And even if I slipped....just a little, tiny bit. It was there to catch me and pick me right back up again. The words were burned into my soul and I could recite them on cue. The words that she unveiled for us all to read, were the same words I was repeating over and over in my head.

"I didn’t even know if I wanted a kid all that much,
I mentally could not get myself excited about having a baby."

SHE MADE IT! It was possible to feel the way I felt and the way she felt, and still in the end receive the most precious gift, a beautiful baby.

Something I didn't know that Casey revealed to me that night was that it TOO, took her a really long time (like 7 months) to fall in love with her daughter. Hearing that made my heart nearly stop, because as said in my last post, I truly fell in love with my daughter for the first time this weekend, literally the DAY BEFORE I met Casey. It was some sort of twist of faith that made this happen the way it did.

When I met Casey in the flesh, before I could get 2 words out, I started crying. We were in the loud music room of the BowlHer event, and there I was waiting to meet Chris Mann, when Casey walked up. It was my last chance, I couldn't let it pass me by. So crying and talking REALLY loud, but not so loud that the whole room heard, I told Casey how much that post meant to me. It was a brief second that I stood there, hugging her, telling her how I didn't want the baby, but her post helped me so much and how I literally JUST fell in love with my 5 month old daughter. But it was the hug and embrace of a lifetime. One I will never forget and will be telling my daughter about a long long long time from now. It took those few seconds to make all the money I spent, all the drama that occurred, and the time away from the rest of my family to be worth it, being right there is that second. And in a flash, it was over.

And THAT my friends, is what BLOGGING is all about.


Totally_Toni said...

This is a very touching post, it made me tear up just reading :)

Rachel said...

Pure perfection.

You are a gem

Kristin said...

That is!!

designHER Momma said...

I'll admit it, I find Casey pretty darn awesome myself.

moosh in indy. said...

Yeah. That's all I've got.
Except this:
And this:

Is that tacky? I mean if we already think each other is awesome why not SHARE SOME MORE!


That moment was a highlight of my blogging life. Possibly my whole life.


Nishant said...

its very touching post.

Work from home

Complicated Mama said...

sorry im just reading this now- im so behind on my blog reading...

but let me just say I was there for that moment .. and I am so glad that i was because it was the most touching moment of the entire weekend.

Its amazing how touched someone can be from reading eachother's posts.

really, really powerful stuff.