Monday, January 19, 2009

Feeling Beaten.

I was doing so well keeping up with blogging. I had something of some importance to discuss on a regular basis for awhile there, but you see, this pregnancy has taken a turn on me. Which is pretty surprising.

With Jonah, I remember being cranky and uncomfortable around this time (34 weeks), but I don't remember being so worn out, or in so much "pain". Well, I'm not sure if pain is the right word. My back is constantly hurting, my belly feels overly tight, she kicks and punches ALL THE TIME, sometimes enough to feel as though a swift kick from her will knock me off my feet. She is pushing in all sorts of places I didn't even know I had. Being on my feet is work in and of itself. I easily get light-headed and discombobulated, and sometimes dizzy. My legs hurt, enough where when I wake up in the morning I am in such pain for 5-10 minutes, that I seriously believe my legs will fall off and it brings tears to my eyes. So besides the physical ailments I am going through, I feel mentally I am defeated. I am barely getting by. I am doing a bit of "nesting", getting everything in Lily's room ready. But that sense of excitement and giddiness I felt with Jonah just isn't there. I am tired and feeling beaten. I don't feel like I am good enough mother to Jonah, I know I could be better. I am just so short with him these days due to how I am feeling. Seriously, if I could just lay down all day long I feel pretty okay. But we all know that that is not possible in the slightest.

For some reason, I packed my hospital bag last night. Well, I didn't really "pack" it, the essentials are in there. I just made sure that I had a comfy outfit for myself and Lily's coming home outfit. Actually, the bag I have is a Little Stork Essentials bag, that comes already pre-packed with LOTS of stuff, so I don't need to be concerned with remember things like a headband, ponytail holder and toiletries. But I will be reviewing it over at Sharing My Instincts in the coming weeks, so keep an eye out.

Maybe I am just feeling overwhelmed and its taking over my mind and body. I know, I shouldn't let it, it's not healthy. I am seeing the doctor this morning, in hopes that if there is anything physically wrong with me, he will find it and we can get it fixed so I am not feeling this way until I give birth to my baby girl. And if there is nothing really wrong, then I am going to need to find a way to fix it myself, because I'm not sure if I can keep feeling this way for 6-ish more weeks.

More later.

1 comment:

blueviolet said...

I remember those moments but they didn't last six weeks so I'm sure it won't for you either. It's hard but hang in there. It's almost over and the real fun begins! :)