Sunday, May 25, 2008

Am I fooling myself?

Today at church we were asked if we were "scared of the Wild". Now, as I lay here, getting ready to go to sleep for the night, I can't stop thinking about the questions Kevin posed to us. "Are you scared of the wild?" I know the answer he is looking for. And that answer is "Yes." But I have the urge to say "No." And when I ponder my reasons for me answer, I start to think about if I am really "getting" it. Because something must be wrong with my way of thinking if I am not considering the possibility that "The Wild" is scarey. Truthfully, and whole-heartedly, I'm not scared of it; the unknown. Because in the past 7 or so months that I have been attending Countryside my entire mind-set and way of thinking and living and just...being has changed. I find myself not worrying so much, if at all over nearly everything in my life. I don't dwell on things that are out of my control and out of my hands too much any more. I was recently asked, "When you have another baby, what do you want it to be?" This is seriously a trick-question....really, it is! Because most people are expecting asnwers like "Oh, I really want a girl. Girls are so _______(fill in the blank with the frilly, girly traits of little girls)." Atleast, I know that's what people were expecting from me. I already have a little boy, of course I should WANT a girl right? Well, not so much. You see, I would be completely content with whatever God wants to bless me with. I have given up my grip on that and opened my hand to it. You see, God has a plan for me, already etched out and stamped with His approval. Me worrying and meddling and concerning myself with it is no use, I have surrendered that, and it makes me content and happy and satisfied. But you see, I feel like I am 'supposed' to be scared. After today's message, feel like I am too satisfied and too content. It makes me feel like I'm not being truthful. Or am I, and I am just further along than most people? There's no way I am further along than most people...I have only been attending church and really emersing myself in God for less than a year. I'm confused. Am I fooling myself?

Thoughts? Feelings? Suggestions?

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4 comments:

Carrington said...

To me, the "Wild" Kevin is talking about is when God convicts you, and leads you somewhere, or to do something that He wants. It usually involves some risk (putting yourself out there, financially uncertainty, ect..), and we usually don't know the outcome. It's like, if the Lord told you that you were supposed to have another baby, but you weren't sure if you were ready (financially, emotionally ect..), and in faith you were obedient. You would be living in the "wild". Going before you know, holding HIS hand, and letting Him take you on an adventure. What is something God is leading you to, but might seem a little scary? When you think of it, go there and do it.

Adventures In Babywearing said...

I didn't raise my hand when Kevin asked if we were afraid of the Wild. I feel like I am up for that challenge and have already been through many hard times and "wild" times that I know we'll be ok. But I'm sure there are some things that we won't even consider or don't even let ourselves "go there" and without even realizing it, that is showing a fear of the wild right then. Like we're setting our own limits and what we will and won't do when maybe He has called us to something uncomfortable for the moment.

Steph

The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

TheFM's job is done is less than 2 weeks and he's not getting another one. We're walking out in faith that the support will start coming in and he can be full time at the church. That's scary, that's the wild...but we're being faithful and doing it. YIKES!

Oh, and I think everyone's journey in Christ is different...some move faster, some slower:)

Carrington said...

P.S.
I love the new picture you have up, so pretty!