unorganized.

The days seems to be whirling around me like a tornado. There is so much going on in each aspect of my life that I am feel like I am running on auto-pilot.

With each thing I cross off of my to-do list, I seem to need to add 2 more.

And I do it to myself, really. I demand it all of myself and turn to feeling guilty when I can't do it all. That's just being a Mom right? Being pulled in a million directions, stretched thin, and never feeling like you can give enough. I mean this is the way it is supposed to be, right?

Or is it?

Don't get me wrong. I am loving my life a lot at this moment. I have two gorgeous and amazing kids who keep me on my toes. A husband who works very hard to keep us all taken care of. An amazing family who has helped us more in the last few weeks than we could ever repay.

Life is good.

But I start to wonder...."What about me?"

You see, my husband and I were alone in the car today. Due to my unorganized state of important paperwork at home, I seemed to have misplaced the ever so important folder containing the ever so important stuff needed to start a new job (oh, I didn't mention. Yeah, the hubby quit his old job and started a new one last week/this week). So I had to leave work, go home with him, with the intentions of tearing the house apart to find said folder. And yes, I found it. Phew!

But anyways, we were in the car. Alone. No kids. And we were able to talk. That's right, TALK! Without listening to a Barney DVD playing in the background. Or find a toy....binky....blanket....snack. Or tend to a crying, screaming baby who hates the car. We were able to hold a conversation.

Ummmm, and it was weird.

I had these flashed of "Life before the kiddos..." and thinking, "Wow. THIS is what it was like..."

We haven't spent much time alone, can you tell? It got me to thinking about how I forgot what it was like before the kids. And how if we don't start working on it NOW, we are gonna have a REAL problem later in life....

So....yeah, more alone time for me and hubs is in order....that is....

after Christmas.....

and yes, THAT is all part of parenting.....being unorganized....

and yes, that's okay.

HAZMAT Team.....coming in.

So my house is a disaster area. With feeling as crappy and tired as I have lately, my main concern has been keeping the little guy clean, fed, and dressed. I can sometimes go days without bathing, wearing the same work clothes a few days in a row, and staying in my pj's all day. The laundry has been neglected, the dishes are always piling up, and if I could see more than 6 inches of the floor in our bedroom, I'd be amazed.

Well, I am starting to fight the nastiness lately, trying my darnedest to not let it get me down. So between the nausea and headaches and sometimes, actual vomiting, I am cleaning up. Atleast, the thought has crossed my mind, and I have the complete intent to hit it hard today. Not to mention that my amaing husband stayed up late last night, long after the boy and I were asleep, to do some major cleanup of the downstairs (kitchen, dining room, living room area). And not just a little cleaning which would sometimes involve moving stuff around to "look" cleaner. He actually did a great job, making my life a little easier and lifting a bit of stress too. And if I haven't mentioned it, he has been an amazing help these last couple of weeks with me not feeling well and still having to take care of a 16 month old ball of energy. He comes home from a long day at work, and I go to bed and he takes care of feeding and cleaning and putting the little guy to bed. I am forever grateful. It makes me think of the mama's out there with hubby's that work a lot or those that have no hubbies at all (single mama's, military mama's, widowed mama's, etc.) and I can't even imagine how they would get through times like these without a significant other by there side for help and support. Or what about those that don't have family around or that have families that aren't as supportive as mine? I am so lucky to have such great extended family members, ones that are there whenever i need them. That is the reason we will never move from where we are. I don't ever want to be without family, I don't know how some of you do it! Todd and I have dreams of moving to Maine or even Indianapolis, but I think it will be long after the kids grow up before we will do something like that.

On a different note, we got the boy a toddler bed and redecorated his room this weekend. It's not nearly done, but I have some pretty cool ideas for some art pieces and paintings. I will post some pictures soon so you all can see what we've done.