The Breath's of Rejection

How is it that I can feel like a a weight has been lifted off of my chest, while at the same time I feel like I am struggling to breath?

Todd didn't get the Denver job.

He also didn't get the job he interviewed for in Kansas City (that would include us still living here, but him being gone....a lot).

I can't stand how this position is making my husband feel. I know he feels defeated and like he failed us. And I don't think I can say anything to make it better. I try. I do try. It's just hard.

And I don't know why we were so sure that this was "IT", but we were. And even though our emotions were wrapped around this opportunity in a tangle of good AND bad, I think we both REALLY wanted this. We felt like it was time. We have been struggling for all too long. And it's tough.

But we get by. And we have the support of our families and friends and that's what counts. We have our kids who are our world. And we have each other.

It's just rejection is hard.

Soon, we will pick back up, dust ourselves off, and all the while we will trudge on and on and on until the next opportunity comes along.

Breath in.....Breath out.....Breath in....Breath out.

*Sigh*

So, FINALLY....

I am able to be a little more content. I have been stressing a bit lately because all of the reviews I have been needing to do I have been holding off on. But there is a phenomenal reason behind it, you see. I decided I wanted to give myself a seperation, between Mommy Blogger and Product Reviewer. I have been getting overwhelmed lately with products and companies and websites to review, that it have been taking up SO MUCH of my personal website. I started this blog for the reason of connecting with people and writing about what is on my mind and in my heart. I have begun to feel that the quality of my postings and topics have been vague and translucent, and it was time to grow. I was feeling stressed over all of this, so I created myself a new product review site, and got a really awesome lady to do a little design for me to make it look nice.

So here it is....

Sharing My Instincts

my new product review site. Nothing will change, I will continue to review and run contests and giveaways on the site, just as I did here on this one...but just in it's own place...in it's own little happy home...away from home.

So please, look forward and bear with me while I get settled over there and I can promise and assure you that most of what you read here will be genuine, lifetime events (with the exception of the PayU2Blog Posts...sorry, but i can't move those to the new site, so just scroll past and ignore them if you wish...). I hope my posts here will be more valuable to you, and of far better quality, though I fear it may take until after the new year for that to really happen, since December is so darn CRAZY!

Thanks for holding on, thanks for reading, thanks for understanding!

I have a few great brainstormed topics I am really wanting to cover soon, so stay tuned and be sure to subscribe to my feed, so you don't miss a beat.

Oh, and I will be announcing the new review site shortly, once it up and moving of course!!

3+1=4

The "Day of Pray" didn't go so well. After an evening of being up on and off, numerous midnight baths, and feeling all around sick, I was forced to eat a bit here and there, to keep myself from throwing up. Yet, everytime I ate, I felt the guilt. What if out there somewhere, someone was feeling exactly how I was, but was unable to obtain the food needed to make it all better? I feel like a disappointment, to myself, to all of you, and to God. I let myself down, but more so, I let Him down.

Now, not all was lost on that rainy, chilly, feeling kind of yucky day. You see, the hubby made a prediction. After the hour or so of the middle of the nught quiziness, he says "I bet your pregnant". I joke. I laugh. I giggle. "Ah, no." Yet the ickiness follwed me all day long. Am I getting the flu? I swear, if I get the flu right before our 4 year anniversay (on the 3rd) and the most awesome holiday of the year (the 4th) I'll be really mad. So, for giggles, on my way home from the crappy pool party we attended, I stopped at the store. I was able to get a sleeping JM into the stroller, go to Jewel and get a big box of diapers and a pregnancy test without waking him up! I was thinking to myself, "If I have another baby, how would I be able to go to the store and buy diapers? I wouldn't have enough hands!" We get home and the boy is still asleep in the car, so I run inside to the bathroom real quick, go potty, take the test, then go out and get him. He is still asleep, so I lay him on the floor in the living room. I go back to the test that is sitting on the hutch in the bathroom, and low and behold, what do I see? This...

2 PINK LINES!


Yes friends, I am pregnant. This is great! We were wanting to have another baby, but weren't really "planning" it. Just sort of waiting for it to happen. And it did. We are ecstatic. The hubby immediately says "I need a new job!", "I need to finish the basement!", "JM needs a big boy bed!" It was amusing. Once I saw the 2 pink lines, my mind starting thinking of what this pregnancy was going to be like. You see, my last pregnancy was not so good. Lots of sickness, all around anxiety, fear, scariness. I didn't know what I was in for. I have NEVER changed a diaper before JM. But now, I can safely say, I'm ready for this. Yeah, this will be a little different with 2 baby's, but I can do it. I want to do it. and I will do it.

Here it is, the American Dream. And I am so excited to be living it.