One Her Way (part 3)

39 weeks pregnant, exactly.
3+cm dialated

Well, here I am...still pregnant. But for the last day or so, I haven't really minded it so much. I've gotten a few bursts of energy and have done some cleaning around the house, which makes me feel good. I haven't had the energy to actually GO anywhere, and am pretty sure it's not a good idea anyway.

I had a doctors appointment on Monday, and he seems to believe I will still be pregnant when he gets back from his vacation (Sunday). He scheduled me to be induced on Monday, and frankly I am not so sure why. I didn't ask, either. I guess I was so shocked that I just went with it. But I must say, I am feeling a bit at odds with it. I mean, yeah, I want her outta my belly! But I also want her to come when she is good and ready. I am thinking about calling him on Sunday and asking him what his thoughts were in regards to the induction. Maybe he just felt bad for me and wanted to assist in putting me out of my misery. We'll see. And I know, I know, being induced isn't a good thing, you don't need to tell me the downsides to it. Just understand, I will do what I feel is right for me and my baby, as I always have.

I have been spending the last few days having lots of fun with Jonah. Playing and just sitting with him. I have such a fear of how he is going to react. I am not so worried about how I am going to handle 2 babies or all that, and besides breastfeeding, I think everything will just be second nature, especially with it being the second time around.

On Her Way (part 1)....

38 weeks and 1 day pregnant.
2 cm dialated.
Dr has been called. His recommendation, try to sleep. If this is really it, you won't be able to sleep, therefore, go to hospital

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I sit here, at 10:45 pm, contemplating if I am having real contractions or not. They are painful, and linger on with a soreness I don't remember from having Jonah. They are very short lived, and I even get these short, stabbing pains near my hips. All of these feelings going on below my belly. I am hot and slightly discombobulated. I am running crazy, making sure anything and everything i can think of is done. Yet the energy to do so is running low and is slowing down. At least slong ME down. I can't help but think about how much life is going to change, and so quickly, and so drastically. And how much I thought I was really ready for this, I am far from. Was I ever really ready? No. Was I ever really ready for Jonah? No. But it worked and took a lot of work. It was tough and stressful and confusing and hard, but I made it this far. And by adding Lily to the mix, I can only move forward. WE will move forward and it will work, in it's own sweer time. I can't wait to see her and touch her and smell her and love on her. But at the same time I am petrified and ever so worried.

More later...needing to go lay down.

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