when i feel like my instincts just aren't enough

I come to this little place on the internet of mine to air out the many thoughts and feelings that reside within my head. Some are just the basic every day happenings around the house and some are profound and special and some are just plain funny or sometimes, boring. I often find myself wondering if I had blogged about certain things that are constantly on my mind, forcing me to go back in the archives to see if I am just reiterating what I have already wrote about at a time before.

But today, I pour my heart out to you. I am hoping I find calming release within my words today. I hope I find clarity and forgiveness. I hope I can open my eyes wider and not hold myself so accountable for my every thought and action.

Lily has been sick again these past 5 days or so. Same old, same old. Yucky cough, runny nose, watery eyes, and this time around, a slight fever. And within these 5 days, I have visited our normal pediatrician, as well as the Urgent Care, to be told that, "yes, she has a cold" and "there is nothing we can give her" and "it has to run it's course".

But this is Lily's SIXTH "cold" in 5 months. Now, I know I know I know. I know this is the season for a 2 year old to get sick. And yes, she has been around people who have also been sick. And yes, I hear the doctor's when they say that "kids get an average of 8 cold's a winter" (which I never really believed, and I am not sure I even do now.....). I know she is more active, touching more things, being around more kids, and has an older brother in preschool (who even though he doesn't get sick, could possibly be bringing home a slew of germs). I know Lily is on a low-dose antibiotic for her Vesicoureteral Reflux, which could make her immune system compromised (but i can't imagine that being enough to allow her to contract being sick THIS MUCH). And I know, she could be teething her 2 year molars, which she doesn't have yet. Or it could be a combination of all or some of these.

Or, could it be an allergy? Any type of allergy really. Dairy, Cat's, Seasonal, Dust, Mold, etc......

Because in the research I have done, I have found that Lily's symptoms could quite possibly be symptoms of an allergy to just about anything.

I have gone to Twitter and Facebook and internet search engines for answers. ANYTHING that might be able to give me some insight into what's going on with Lily and what other mom's have experienced. I have received so much information pulling me every which way. And now, more than ever, I am confused and struggling, wondering which direction I should go.

Should I consult an allergist? I mean, if I can prevent her from going through this, then I would love to. And after a very insightful and informative conversation with my step-sister (her son has allergies and asthma), I now feel more equipped to handle what our next steps should be. I have no desire to put Lily through allergy testing, but if a 30 minutes appointment, with a little temporary discomfort is all it will take to tell me if she is allergic to something I can just plain STOP giving her (a food) or allowing her to be around (an animal), then I feel like it will make the results so much quicker. I can't say I'd be able to manage a 2 week hiatus from dairy, just to "see" if she's allergic to it.

And i KNOW this kinda of goes beyond my general overall philosophy of natural and alternative medication, but if she IS allergic to something she'll need treatment for, then I know I will try homeopathic and alternative remedies FIRST, because that is more our nature. I think finding out IF she has an allergy/allergies will be invaluable. So yes, tomorrow, I am calling the allergist my step-sister recommended. Because living with this wonder and what-if's of her being sick so much is killing me, and I am sure it is even harder on her. I will find an answer.

These last few days have made me doubt myself. But right now, I feel empowered. I am ready to handle this and take it on myself. I NEED to know if I can make it better for her. I KNOW I can do this.

And now, my instincts....they ARE enough.

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