In.......and.......Out

To those of you that have kids.....particularly little ones (because if they aren't little, maybe you won't remember this), do you remember the time that your breathing and the baby that was sleeping on your chest's breathing synced ever so perfectly? Like for a few moments, you literally became "one" again? I remember that moment with both of my kids, and I am lucky that even though they are a little older now, they still like to be held. And with Jonah, those moments are so rare. Being a 3.5 year old boy is truly not conducive to cuddling and snuggling with you mama, let alone to fall asleep, unless that same 3.5 year old boy is either sick or sad. For Jonah, life is just too busy to slow down these days. And with Lily, she is getting so big (yet wants to be so small), that the two of us getting comfortable while I try to get her to fall asleep is nearly impossible.

But sometimes, when everything falls into place. Or when Jonah hadn't napped that day or when Lily is getting a late bedtime, the struggles fade away, and all that is left is me and that little child (be it Lily OR Jonah). And I hold that baby so very close, and squeeze my eyes shut, and breath in their sweet baby hair. And our breaths start to coincide in a beautiful gentle rhythm.  And I am brought back to those first few times I ever felt that. And how my heart exploded with love and adoration for each of my children. It is like becoming "one" again. Like when they were in my belly. Before all those "first's". Before I felt like I was missing out on things. I never want to miss anything in their lives. Ever.

I was lucky enough to have one of those moments with Lily tonight. And on one side I think about how "this time" might be the last time. I go through the same with Jonah. They are getting so big and so old and so self-sufficient. Ugh. I love it and hate it at the same time. Because one day, I will not be able to hold them as they sleep. Or they won't want my hugs and snuggles.

Ahhhh, but until then, I treasure all those moments I get to revel in. And recall.