It's been awhile. I know.
Stuff's been going on. All sorts of stuff. I've been in a bit of a funk, and really...this blog...is not my comfort. I don't really know what my comfort is or where I can find it. Actually, I know where I can find it, but even
that isn't helping. I feel like when I go
there, I am just sort of ignoring the real things that are going on in my life. I have hurt a few people lately, and don't really know how to express my regret and remorse. Hurting a friend, even when it is completely unintentional sucks...for all those involved. I think we resolved it and we have agreed to move on. I haven't quite let it go yet, I feel sad. Sad that I made someone else sad. Sad that I put someone in a hurtful situation. Sad that I even thought of it that way. Wishing I could take it back, and keep things where they belong. Wishing I cold turn back the clock and have listened when my brain and my heart said
'don't go there'. Wishing it weren't what it is. Sad because I am feeling a bit like a loner. It's my own fault. Or maybe I am feeling self-pity, which is really quite undeserved on my part I might add.
I know He is the only answer, and I am still trying to figure Him all out. I hunger for Him. I thirst for Him. I want to know the
in's and
out's and all
about's that He has to offer. I know I cannot attempt to satisfy myself with anything else but Him, because it is completely impossible. He is the answer. And I have learned so much about Him lately, so very very much. And now, I take it all to Him. Everything that is lying heavy on my heart, everything that is making me sad, everything that is making me angry, everything that I think will fill my heart and soul and complete me. He is the answer and I am going to do everything in my power (which I am pretty sure is
nothing) to fix this and the funk I have created for myself. For tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow, I am hoping to begin to discover, the new me.
It's been awhile. I know. Stuff's been going on. All sorts of stuff. I've been in a bit of a funk, and really...this blog...is not my comfort. I don't really know what my comfort is or where I can find it. Actually, I know where I can find it, but even that isn't helping. I feel like when I go there, I am just sort of ignoring the real things that are going on in my life. I have hurt a few people lately, and don't really know how to express my regret and remorse. Hurting a friend, even when it is completely unintentional sucks...for all those involved. I think we resolved it and we have agreed to move on. I haven't quite let it go yet, I feel sad. Sad that I made someone else sad. Sad that I put someone in a hurtful situation. Sad that I even thought of it that way. Wishing I could take it back, and keep things where they belong. Wishing I cold turn back the clock and have listened when my brain and my heart said 'don't go there'. Wishing it weren't what it is. Sad because I am feeling a bit like a loner. It's my own fault. Or maybe I am feeling self-pity, which is really quite undeserved on my part I might add.
3 comments:
You are turning to the right place, and I hope you find the answers to your questions and desires soon.
Just don't give up, keep seeking Him. You are totally in the place I was in (age-wise) when my seeking of self really went into high gear. It's ok to find yourself, and you NEED to find the person you are inside. Wandering around NOT being you is what get's you into the places you don't want to be in.
Hugs.
Being so honest and open like this is a huge sign of growth and progression, in my opinion! Even I can't do that sometimes. But you're on the right track and everything is going to be ok, and you're right- tomorrow is a new day! Today's already a new day!
Steph
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